There is a fast food restaurant off Union Square in New York City where yuppie scum have subverted the concept of the hot dog.

The place is located off 17th street. It’s named Dogmatic, which is a clever name because they sell hot dogs (get it?). What they’ve done to the idea of putting meat on a bun is atrocious.

They sell gourmet sausages. They put it on expensive bread. Yuppies salivate at these two things.

The bread is a baguette. They use the baguette as a hot dog bun.

How do they use a baguette, a rather crusty bread that doesn’t bend laterally as a bun to enclose a piece of meat?

They put the meat inside the baguette.

They literally drill a hole into the baguette and stuff the sausage in the hole coitally.

And then they pour sauce and cheese inside.

The result is something that is wrong in terrible, Freudian ways. The baguette is not tasty as a hot dog bun, and it is not efficient. Juice inevitably ejaculates out of cracks in the baguette, spurting all over your hands and lips.

Dogmatic calls this abomination a “sausage dog,” a name that is somehow both redundant and an oxymoron. It contains ingredients Yuppies love, claims to be healthy and made of animals that weren’t tortured or injected with hormones. It also tastes exactly like Yuppie cock.


1 Comment

Filed under food

One response to “Dogmatic

  1. Courtney

    Is that really an asparagus and cheese stuffed one?

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